The Truth About Relationships With a Submissive Husband

Dominance is, roughly speaking, domination and suppression. But it looks different in many cases because there are infinite ways to gain power over a submissive husband. There is no single definition of dominance, and it is up to each person to choose how to dominate the other.

Another difficulty is that there has never been and never will be a single norm. Even under the patriarchal system, not all couples were dominated by men. And now, in the age of burgeoning feminism and equality, many women want to take the lead. Read on to learn the submissive husband meaning and all details about such relationships.

My Husband Is Submissive: Asserting Dominance

Dominance is built on the suppression of another’s will, on forcing another to act in your best interest. The process itself may look like violence, but in fact, it is the most common practice, where couples agree to abide by their roles.

There is one major difference between a submissive husband and a wife. Women do everything softer, closer to the role of the gray cardinal, who gently controls others without their knowledge. Sometimes it is different, but more often, women dominate gently, secretly, and gently, while men dominate more harshly and directly. It is not for nothing that dominant guys are often called alpha, although women are not inferior in this right now.

Being a Submissive Husband: Reasons, Behavior, and Popularity

No matter how much they talk about equality and parity in a relationship, the fact of domination is always present. The submissive husband consciously or unconsciously plays the role of a slave, and the other plays the role of a leader. The distribution of roles in a couple, including in a family, depends on several factors.

Submissive Husband

Being Sub: Degree of Dependence

The one who is less dependent on the partner always dominates. This can be material dependence – a submissive husband often earns more than a woman or fully supports her. Dependence can also be emotional – in a subordinate position is the partner who loves more. He cannot dominate, as he is ready to do anything for the sake of his beloved.

Being Sub: Level of Emotionality

The role of the leader is played by the less emotional partner. And here, the woman has less chance to dominate the man, as she by her very nature, is more prone to emotional outbursts, tantrums, worries, etc.

Being Sub: Self-Confidence

This submissive quality is necessary for dominance because it implies high self-esteem and a condescendingly tolerant attitude towards a weaker and more dependent submissive partner. A woman can be strong and confident until she meets a husband she loves. In fear of losing him, she loses a fair amount of her self-confidence.

dominant wife submissive husband

Being Sub: Contributions to the Submissive Relationship

The more a man has put effort into creating a submissive relationship, the more he invests in its maintenance and development, and the harder it is for him to take a dominant position. Because he has something to lose, and the more he is afraid to lose the submissive relationship created with such efforts, the more he depends on his partner and submits to his influence.

Reasons Why Sub Husband Becomes Submissive

Objectively, circumstances are such that the sub man does not always take a submissive position. To achieve this, it is not enough just to make an effort, it is necessary to change one’s attitude both towards oneself and one’s partner. Let us list the main sub reasons why women dominate a submissive husband:

More often than not, the dominant role in a couple is taken by women who were raised in a family where the mother had the main role. There is a culture of matriarchy or pseudo-patriarchy, where the leading role belongs to the woman, and the submissive man has pseudo-dominant roles, but in fact, the sub does not decide anything.

husband submissive

Believing, on a not quite conscious level, that “if I’m in control, then I’m safe.” And this craving for control sooner or later ends up in the sub-partner’s domination. With a submissive man in love, this is easy enough because the very rite of male courtship implies for some time that the sub man submits to the desires and even the whims of the woman.

Dominant Women: Maintaining the Balance

If the center of power is concentrated in the woman’s hands and she loses respect for the submissive man in the process, this can be considered a pathology of the couple. Then the couple from a functional, compromised,d and mutually secure space become a couple with one focus of sub-power. This is not always good for children, but there are exceptions. For example, if the submissive man has a weakness, he is an alcoholic, and automatically the only way to survive in that family is to take responsibility in his own hands. 

In many families, there are no submissive dads, and the mom is the only adult in the family. And further on, the educators and teachers are mostly women. Because of this, some young submissive men begin to perceive women as a source of power. But whether or not a sub man will develop as a powerful and courageous protector is partly due to circumstances.

my husband is submissive to me

How to Determine That My Husband is Submissive to Me?

The concepts of dominant and submissive come to us from BDSM: they will be familiar either to those who are “in the know” or to fans of Fifty Shades of Gray. Nevertheless, you don’t have to be into whips and binding to understand that a dominant wife submissive husband relationship is great.

Submissive Man Gets Turned On By Success

Yes, he is a career sub man, and he walks with wide shoulders, and behind his strong shoulders, you feel like a stone wall. “There he is – a real sub man,” you think, not yet knowing that in bed, such a sub male can be the exact opposite of what we usually understand by masculinity and brute strength.

It is impossible to be responsible and serious 24/7. Sex is the sphere in which a submissive man, aiming at success, can relax and try on a different role: that of a weak sub. It is not without reason that the visitors of BDSM clubs usually include sub men who hold leading positions and have a lot of authority.

Submissive Man Is Worshiping High Heels

Heels are an ingrained sub symbol of “femme fatale”, and the longer and sharper the heel is, the more the submissive will be turned on by it. Also, the heel makes a woman taller and, therefore, more commanding.

If your submissive man is shopping together periodically “lingers” in the showcase with women’s high-heeled shoes, he likely reaches for the image of Madam and dreams of trying on stiletto shoes on your leg. And for sure in his sub fantasies, he is sitting on his lap in front of you while trying them on!

Submissive Man Looks From Below 

Looking up at the person from below is a non-verbal signal of the desire to please the submissive interlocutor. And this sub technique “works” not only in ordinary dialogues with friends or colleagues but also in the “language of love.”

being a submissive husband

A submissive man who looks up at you finds you very attractive and admires you. Most likely, he subconsciously puts himself at a level below yours and craves submission.

Submissive Husband Feels Smooth

Sub men who are concerned about their appearance and prefer to have a smooth torso, groin, and armpits seek not only to become more attractive in their own eyes but also thereby to please their partner. After all, the goal of the submissive is to please you. That is why for you he will be not only the most obedient but also the smoothest sub man in the world.

Submissive Man is The Greatest Father

Often, by preferring the role of a submissive in bed, a submissive man thereby compensates for the lack of love and attention from his mother as a child. Therefore, in the future, such sub men turn out very caring and loving fathers – it is also a kind of compensation for his childhood, of which he was deprived.

Of course, this is not the case in all cases. But if your sub man loves children and is ready to give all of himself to a good upbringing and care for them, perhaps he is also ready to give himself into your powerful female hands in bed.

Submissive Man Is Good With Detergents

Submissives are good at stereotypically feminine things: taking care of their appearance, looking after the kids, cooking, and cleaning.

If your submissive man does not mind washing the floors or dishes, or even does it better and more willingly than you do, knowing perfectly well what tool will work to get rid of stubborn stains and what grease traces on glass surfaces, it is possible that in bed, and he prefers stereotypically “female” sub role and ready to obey you in everything.

Submissive Man Is Old-Fashioned 

He doesn’t follow modern fashion and loves vintage style, prefers reading TV shows and computer games, and holds views for traditional family values as found in 19th-century novels. It seems you’re looking at a submissive in all his glory!

He may seem to you a little eccentric and unusual, funny or too serious and old-fashioned, but it betrays in him a gentle and submissive man, who will be crazy if you own “teach” him all the charms of love.

dominant wife submissive husband

Submissive Man Doesn’t Need Space

Man-submission is very attached to the object of his lust: the weakness that he shows in sex will be visible in your romantic relationships. He doesn’t need space and freedom, because the warmest and most tasty place for a submissive is your embrace.

This is also an obvious “plus” of relationships with such men – submissive loves their partner very faithfully and devotedly (although some only as long as the woman in the couple remains in the role of the “stronger sex”, alas).

Sub Man Going Crazy With Behavior

If so far you’ve wondered why some men suddenly leave loving and feminine partners for arrogant and mean naggers, then know this: probably such men just simply like to be “under the heel” (and remember, the higher the better).

Men love it when women play “cat and mouse” with them and act mean and aloof because it makes the male instincts work at full power and causes a desire to “subdue” such disobedient partners. In the case of a submissive, it is more about the desire to obey such partners.

Sub Man Believing In Female Superiority

The woman is the “strong sex” for the male who likes being a submissive husband, and the more powerful and rigid partner such a man has, the happier he will be near her.

Sometimes a submissive unconditionally believes that women are better and more gifted than men in everything. And there are also many pro-feminists and those who sympathize with women’s plight from a historical perspective. So he will try his best to make up for years of oppression by letting himself be subjugated in bed with you!

How to Build Strong Female-Led Relationships?

Each time we wanted to dominate our submissive man in bed, modesty caught up with us. To dare once and for all. We should rather speak about “taking control, the power”, and being an “initiator”. It is much easier to access than to imagine oneself with a whip!

Another important thing is to set a framework and not hesitate to warn. We warn a submissive man by saying, “What if tonight, you let me surprise you? Thus brought, the “domination session” appears as a playful role play. 

Moreover, asking a submissive man questions allows him to arouse his sub curiosity and grants him the total freedom to say no, especially if we send him a small sub message in the day by leaving him the time to answer. So when he says “yes”, what could be more reassuring and motivating to dare to take things in hand tonight?

submissive husband rules

Treating Sub: Respect the Other Person

To dominate in bed is to undertake a power game in mutual respect. It is not to take advantage of the “weakness” of Mr. to put a finger in his anus because you always wanted to try! It is simply to practice differently what one likes to practice usually, to make climbing the pleasure, to discover oneself from another angle, to approach new enjoyments. So, we don’t go from play to abuse even if we can test new little things gently. For example, if you want to keep your finger in your anus, you can start tonight by feeling the entrance.

Treating Sub: Give Orders

Imposing your laws means giving instructions to my submissive husband. Put yourself like this, put yourself like that, turn around, don’t move… etc. But to dominate is not only to surprise her submissive man with his pleasure, it is also to submit to him the way he must provide us with it. “Take care of my breasts”, “Take me by the hips”… There are two rules of language, says Nathalie Giraud Desforges: “We use the imperative, and we do not say please!” If you want to reassure your partner because you’re suddenly going from kind incarnate to mean headmistress, you can add an I love you. This gives: let you do it, let me do it, I love you. The other person feels confident. 

Treating Sub: Wake Your Animal Nature

First of all, you use your nails and teeth to scratch and bite. It is not necessary to bite. The goal is not to torture (unless it is by mutual agreement) but to seek pain in its sweetest form. The Kamasutra proposes different kinds of scratches, depending on the number of fingers used, the area of the body chosen, the force one puts into it, and the marks one leaves. The same goes for biting. In other words, you are spoiled for choice to surprise and titillate your man.

Then, still in the animal spirit, you can spank… or rather a little tap if it is the first time you raise your hand in bed. Again, the goal is not to hurt. Here, the simple gesture, even very soft, excites. Not to mention the noise that is enough to raise the temperature, however discreetly.


Treating Sub: Use Accessories

Real allies! In no particular order: we think of the scarf, as well as bandaging the eyes as to tie up his partner. You can also tie it with your bra or handcuffs. Nathalie Giraud Desforges advises against ropes, which look too premeditated if you pull them out of the wardrobe in two seconds. We also think of the nipple clamp, designed for ladies, which can be very well used for submissive men.

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We attack gently: we start by nibbling, looking for the moan, and we pinch only if he seems to like it when the nipples are well erect. Finally, if you have a vibrator, how do you use it on him? We ask him to spread his legs, and we stimulate the area of the perineum, located between the testicles and the anus.

Treating Sub: Tying For Pleasure

Poetically named “the art of ties”, bondage is a sexual practice that you may already practice without knowing it if you like your partner to tie your hands. Known since the dawn of time, bondage can lead to intense pleasures and is the object of a real cult in the land of the Rising Sun where it originated.

Treating Sub: Let Your Imagination Run Wild

To have the upper hand is to be able to listen to yourself completely. Even if, as you understand it, you should not go from play to abuse, surprise your partner with everything you can think of: use ice cubes (previously rinsed in a glass of water, otherwise they stick to the mucous membranes! ), tie your man to the radiator if you think that the bars of the bed are too classic, force him to lie on the cold tiles for a bit of freshness, let him wait for a few minutes in silence so that his imagination boils too… In short, tonight, you are the one who dominates.

What Does Submissive Husband Mean? Real-Life Stories

Our article wouldn’t be complete without the opinions of people that experienced a relationship with a submissive husband. Those thoughts matter because they are the most diverse and meaningful at showing you what there is to expect from this kind of relationship. Those opinions are unbiased and are meant to show you the reality.

how to be a submissive husband

Amy x Fred

Amy and I started dating when I was hitting for higher stakes trying to improve my business. I was quite successful but felt as if leadership is not my kind of thing. I love how Amy encouraged me to pull myself together and do whatever is needed to be successful. That was the first time I realized I liked being submissive toward her. She radiates power and I want to listen to her and embrace her greatness. I know how to be a submissive husband and she knows how to properly “torture” me. 

Gwen and Sean

Sean was trying to show how cool he was and how he had so much power within his palms. Turns out those were the consequences of his parents overburdening him with expectations. He aimed high because he was forced to do so. Then we discussed several sub nuances in our relationships, and he confessed that he’d rather see me as a dominatrix. He wanted to change our roles, and we got a successful result. My submissive husband is caring, passionate, and simply lovely. He contributes to my rash nature, and we get along amazingly.

dominant wife submissive husband

5 Submissive Husband Rules to Impress Your Wife

Women give preference to their chosen ones because during their courtship, they displayed qualities that they would like to see in their future sub husband. It has become a real disaster that after marriage men begin to change, become indifferent, and treat their wives not with awe, but in a consuming way, shifting the non “female” amount of work onto her frail shoulders. Such a marriage is doomed and will be saved only when the submissive husband begins to display the qualities for which he was chosen.

Rule Number One: Receiving Spanking

In the heat of the action, your tendency to submission will most easily be released. Your first lesson will be to beg for a pat on your buttocks during a hasty ride. The keyword: wait, because waiting plays a key role in the relationships we’re interested in. Toy with the idea of asking her for a spanking. Make her want to do it, for you as well as for her. Finally, go ahead! She doesn’t say anything, but she has heard. The hand goes up, and it will come down. Experience the slap as a release! A delicious heat unites the buttock that turns pink with the hand that turns red.

being a submissive husband

Rule Number Two: Full Obedience 

Your newly acquired status as a sexual submissive should not be limited to the bedroom. Both your soul and your body are at the disposal of your “master”. What he orders you to do, you must do. Go to a bar. Imagine wearing a short skirt, stockings, and a thong. She asks you for your underwear, and it is forbidden to disobey! When you come back from the washroom, hand it to her, rolled up in your hand. Now, perched on a bar stool, cross and uncross your legs. 

Will someone notice your little game? That smiling sub man over there? That girl laughing, not far away? And then? You feel proud to be hers, everywhere, here and elsewhere, in any stairwell, in any parking lot, even if it’s under video surveillance.

Rule Number Three: Buying the Whip 

Spanking is good, but it’s always a bit the same. A sadomasochistic relationship, even a soft one, is always accompanied by an escalation in the order of pleasures. The whip attracts, by the symbolism it conveys and by its virile consonance. The easiest way would be to order the instrument on a sex toy website. 

Instead, go and buy it yourself as it’s more fun. Browse through the horse-riding section, and find the length of the handle that will fit well in your hand and the leather bit that will click just right. Face the saleswoman and the cashier’s eyes with delight. You’ll soon discover that the whip has a definite advantage: the marks it leaves on the skin disappear in a few hours.

Rule Number Four: The Sacred Bonds of Bondage 

A special relationship now binds you to your partner. Bondage is the word: hands tied behind your back or to the bedposts. Thanks to immobilization, suddenly, the sensations are multiplied tenfold. With what to be tied? Rather than the raspy hemp rope, opt for a silk scarf. It doesn’t matter if you can get out of the way easily, it’s the idea that counts. 

The Sacred Bonds of Bondage

By the way, you should know that bathrobe belts, while hardly sexy, give satisfaction. Lacking imagination? You’ll always learn some golden rules, you’ll discover some inventive knots and extravagant positions, through clear diagrams without ever being vulgar.

Rule Number Five: The SM Club Outing 

All along, you may have sensed that your submission would require an audience to fully blossom. Is it time to move from illusion to action? For your first experience in an S&M club, start by choosing your outfit. The dress code does not admit the error of taste: leather, vinyl, or latex obligatory, lace provided that it is black if no one remains at the door. 

There are specialized clubs in every part of the world. Inside, you can observe from a little far. Because the problem with SM reports is that if you don’t get more powerful, you get bored. The intensity of the abuses suffered by the submissives can be disturbing: melted wax, strangulation, whipping, etc. And what if your next fantasy was to make love in a flowery dress in the straw?

Submissive Husband Ideas to Improve Your Sex Life

What are the most popular sex toys? Why would a submissive husband buy them? We decided to figure out what is interesting for couples and picked up a list of the best products for adults. These are sex devices that can make the life of any submissive husband much brighter and more interesting. And they can be used in a couple to bring passion back into the relationship and take a fresh look at intimacy.

Sex Toys: Butt Plug

There are a lot of nerve endings in the anus area. It is a very delicate erogenous zone. Its stimulation is interesting both for men and women. It is possible to stimulate the area around the anus, the entrance itself, and the inner walls of the intestine at a shallow depth. You can do it with an anal plug. The insertion will increase arousal, and the feeling of it inside will give a feeling of fullness. If you make love with the anal sleeve inside, the emotions will be completely different. A man will feel every friction in a new way when using the stimulator. For beginners, there are anal plugs of small diameter, their insertion is painless and safe.

submissive partner

Sex Toys: Masturbator 

A man can get sexual release with the help of a masturbator. It is an analog of female organs made of pleasant materials. The device can be used alone when a woman is not around. But still appropriate would be an experiment in a couple. It is necessary only to blindfold a man and use the device, he will be pleased with such stimulation. Depending on the shape of the masturbator, it can be used to end intercourse. This is especially relevant if the man can not finish quickly and the partner gets tired of the long process. And sometimes, a masturbator can come in handy as a substitute for sex if the lady is not in the mood for other caresses.

Sex Toys: Handcuffs 

Tying up your partner is a fun game. He can be chained to the bed or just fix his hands. Restriction of mobility will allow you to play with him a little bit. Bondage devices can be used as part of role-playing games or BDSM sessions.

It is believed that it is tying – this is one of the most popular erotic fantasies in the world. And to embody it is not difficult. But you just need to remember that ordinary handcuffs can leave marks, but the soft version or wide leather cuffs are much more comfortable and safer.

Sex Toys: Erection Ring

This is the best sex object for making the husband submissive. It is needed to prevent the outflow of blood from the penis, thereby preventing a quick finish. An erection ring can be in the form of a lasso, a fastening loop, or a flexible hoop. Certain models are equipped with vibration, which helps to enhance the experience. A ring with vibration is put on in two ways: the moving offshoot can touch a woman’s clitoris, speeding her up, or a man’s scrotum, making his feelings brighter. The ring is the easiest and most effective way to control the duration of intercourse.


Sex Toys: Remote Control

To diversify sex, even more, buy a sex toy that you can turn on remotely. There are stimulating balls, vibrators, vibrating anal plugs, and even vibrating underwear. These sex toys are inserted into the body or touch the most sensitive areas. At the same time, clothes are put on top, and they are completely invisible under them. And you can turn on such a device at any time. And it is recommended to entrust the control to a partner who is nearby. This is a great way to get a sexual discharge, even in a crowded place or excitement, before further continuation.

Submissive Husband Rules: Fidelity and Loyalty

Loyalty is an indispensable quality of a husband. The myth that men are polygamous is untrue. Both sexes are equally polygamous, both are interested in different personality images, so people are enriched emotionally, subconsciously looking for their ideal.

If a person decides to tie the knot of marriage, he stops his search. The idea has been found and completely satisfies him. By getting married, a man must be aware of this, because by continuing to search (by cheating), he automatically recognizes the absence of marriage. In this case, it is better to divorce than to maintain an imaginary marriage relationship. In order not to ruin a marriage, the husband should:

  • Understand the spouse’s emotional state
  • Take over some of the household chores, such as cooking
  • Praise and sincerely thank your beloved for the fact that she gives comfort, it’s a manifestation of care for the family is not only her prerogative
  • Help your soulmate, even if they don’t ask for it

You can watch the video to learn more about:

  • Submissive men characteristics
  • Benefits of relationships where man is submissive
  • How to correctly organize such relationship

Obeying Dominant: How You Should Not Behave

Dominance based on manipulation does not tolerate stupidity. You have to learn to understand people and situations, to see leverage, motivations, and mistakes in behavior – yours and others. It is necessary to be able to recognize the dominants of the stronger: in front of them, it is better to retreat because they will get their way from you. Either painlessly or with losses on your part. On what to do if a girl likes to dominate, I will write a separate article. But the bottom line is that either you will come to terms with it and find a comfortable form of interaction, or it is better to separate.

  • Again, you can’t be influenced only by punishment. Without encouragement, it’s pointless and only leads to the collapse of any relationship. Remember about the power over a person to provide for his desires;
  • Do not try to jump over yourself. If you are not capable of being a boorish macho all the time, do not try. Choose a more comfortable form of domination;
  • Don’t turn dominance into violence by forcing it on a man who doesn’t accept this form of relationship, but is too weak to leave on her own. This patriarchal format should only be established when both partners are ready and agree to it;
  • Don’t think that dominance is the only key to a happy relationship. It is not at all. It is only one form, which is not suitable for everyone because of the great laboriousness: you have to constantly monitor the woman’s actions and correct their direction. A more equal and honest relationship is just as satisfying in most cases;
  • Don’t think that dominance is the greatest power you can gain. Acting honestly toward yourself and others and getting what you want in the process is much harder and usually more effective;
  • Don’t get carried away. If you decide to dominate a man, don’t jump by pure chance into dominating everyone around you. It’s so hard that hardly anyone can pull off something like that. And there’s not much point in it, either.


The main point of interaction in the dominant-submissive pair is the maximum possible transfer of control over oneself and the situation to the Dominant. Due to thematic publications and videos based on stereotypical views of BDSM, some candidates for the role of a submissive may have an incorrect idea of the Dominant’s role. They imagine that they will be the object of a Dominant, whose actions will be aimed at pleasing themselves. If you discover the pure pleasure behind it all, you won’t be disappointed.


How do you tell your wife you want to be dominated?

The secret to a successful dominant-submissive relationship is constant discussion of all aspects of both partners' behavior. If your significant other is 100% honest with you and you remain silent due to fear or shyness, then don't expect success from the relationship. A submissive husband has to talk all the time. This is necessary to control the emotional and physical state. Just talk to your wife and she will show you the possibilities of this kind of relationship.

Why is submission important in marriage?

Under the conditions of a submissive husband, a man is in a new role for himself. It allows one to look at sex from a different perspective and to discover other aspects of one's personality, especially if there are sexual clamps and blocks. According to statistics, partners who agreed to be submissive got rid of discomfort and tightness in bed faster. Many reached a new level of pleasure in a short time.

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